Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

6. Mai 2009

Wir sehen hier die wohl ehrlichsten Zusammenfassungen, die Filme hergeben können. Warnung: Teilweise sieht man die Streifen in einem ganz neuen Licht.

  • 300: Gays kill blacks.
  • 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
  • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
  • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
  • BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
  • CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
  • DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
  • DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
  • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
  • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
  • FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
  • FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
  • FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.
  • GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
  • GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
  • GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
  • GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
  • IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
  • JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
  • JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
  • KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.
  • KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
  • RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
  • RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
  • ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
  • ROCKY: White man beats black man.
  • ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
  • SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
  • TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.
  • THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.
  • THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.
  • TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
  • W.: Unspeakable disaster afflicts America. Then terrorists attack.
  • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
  • WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.

Link (via 5filmfreunde)


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